I got to watch Star Wars Ep. III tonight on Lush’s dime which, as I said before, was the only way I’d watch the new film. (tangent: Star Whores was always one of my favorite parody film titles used by the porn industry, right up there with Pump Fiction) My expectations were so low entering the film it would have been impossible for it to be worse than I thought. And, to its (sort of) credit, it wasn’t. Time for a short attention span review, because it doesn’t really deserve actual paragraphs…

Dialogue: painful
Dramatic tension: zero
Acting: sheisser
Explosions and fights: too many, became desensitizing after the first three minutes
Length: at least half an hour too long
Fanboy hard-on from seeing the Vader suit in action for the first time in 20 years: absent

So there you go.